I should have told you I loved you
by SiriuslyGeorgia
Summary: Remus Lupin writes a letter to Scarlett Spring, a girl he's always loved, but she's dead. Oneshot


_Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters except Scarlett, JK Rowling owns all._

Scarlett,

I loved you.

You were the happiest person I'd ever known. You even died happy. I remember it so vividly, your blonde hair flailing around you; I even got a final flash of your bright blue eyes. You were so beautiful, even while you fell to your death.

You were the best friend, as well. You had a different personality for all four of us.  
>With James, you were there to listen to his latest story of rejection from Lily and help him with his next attempt. You were forever annoying him, too, poking him and singing happily in his ear.<br>With Sirius, you were always joking around. You were like a little sister to the both of them, a little annoying but they did love you, not the way I did, though.  
>You were the opposite with Peter; you were like a big sister to him always giving him advice on everything he needed.<br>You were like my defender. Whenever we got busted for a prank, you swore I wasn't a part of it, even if I was and when I came back after the full moon with bites and scratches, you fretted over me and tried to make it better. You never failed to make it better.  
>You always had chocolate with you, always. You gave it out to everyone, always overjoyed to see the smiles on people's faces when you did, but you used to give me an extra chocolate frog. You started my addiction to chocolate.<p>

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I first began loving you. All I know is that it was during our first year.  
>Was it the first time I saw you and heard your contagious laugh, when you were in the boat in front of me, sailing to Hogwarts? Do you remember, you leaned too far over the edge of the boat and fell into the water, you scared everyone but a moment later, you resurfaced, laughing?<br>Or was it when Professor McGonagall called your name at the sorting and you literally bounced up to the stool and the way your face became impossibly happier as the hat screamed 'GRYFFINDOR' and you ran over and sat next to _me_?  
>How about the time you, James, Sirius, Peter and I all became friends, the second week of first year?<br>Or was it the day of our first prank when we jinxed Snape to dance uncontrollably and your laughter was the loudest, even though you knew what was going to happen?  
>Was it when you so were worried about my mum (back when you thought I went to visit her every full moon because she was ill) that you sent her a letter, wishing her to get better?<br>Was it the time after my mum wrote back, unaware of my alibi, saying she wasn't ill, which caused you to find out about my lycanthropy but stuck by me and vowed not to tell anyone else?  
>Now I come to think about it, I'm convinced it was the first time I saw you and everything after just added to my love for you.<br>_I should have told you I loved you._

Our second year at Hogwarts was one of my favourites. It was the year James, Sirius and Peter found out I was a werewolf. Like you, they didn't run a mile.  
>I've got a hunch it was you who persuaded them to become Animagi. You tried too, but you… passed before you achieved it. You would have been a great Animagus; you'd have been a happy animal, like a monkey, a kitten, or a golden retriever.<br>I remember a prank that year, the one where we jinxed Snape to follow McGonagall around all day wearing a tutu! The tutu was your idea, of course. McGonagall gave all five of us detentions, but you swore I had nothing to do with it so she let me off. I remember sitting alone, bored, in the common room when you danced in, only half an hour after you had set off for your detention! You told me (and I quote) 'Filch made me leave, said I was making him sick with all my happy talk. What a miserable man, I'd hate to be him.'  
><em>I should have told you I loved you.<em>

Third year was horrible. It started off promisingly; remember when we bewitched suits of armour to follow Slytherin's and challenge them to a sword fight? After that, you promised Slughorn that I had nothing to do with it, even though I bewitched most of them myself.  
>The day that changed it all was your birthday, AKA Halloween, the 31st of October. You loved your birthday back then, but after the events of this particular birthday, you didn't live it so much.<br>The whole school was sitting in the Great Hall, waiting for Dumbledore and McGonagall so the Halloween Feast could start, when the latter rushed into the hall and came straight to you. You followed her out of the Hall, leaving us all confused.  
>When the Feast ended, we went up to the common room, after checking to see if you were in McGonagall's office. You weren't. When we made it up to the common room, you were sat on the windowsill crying. Your whole family had been murdered by Death Eaters. Your mother and father had refused to join Voldemort, so they had been killed, along with your grandparents and your only uncle and aunt.<br>Over the next few days, you lost all your happiness. You were just a shell. You didn't even talk to us, your best friends.  
>However, exactly one week after the murders, you became yourself again. You said you had realised every member of your family had lived great, happy lives. Not only that, you said, but they were now your guardian angels, watching over you to make sure nothing ever got in your way.<br>You still got upset sometimes, that was inevitable. We could tell when you were upset. You would sit on the windowsill, just like you did on your birthday and stare out the window. But there was still a hint of a smile on your face that never wavered. Most of the time when you were sitting on the windowsill, and you realised one of us was there, you would simply get off the windowsill like you'd forgotten all your troubles, but I still saw the sadness deep in your eyes and it broke my heart.  
><em>I should have told you I loved you.<em>

The summer before fourth year, you went to live with James. I wished it was my house where you were living, but my house was too small. Our first prank of the year was cooked up by you and James over the summer. In the middle of Dumbledore's speech, the four house tables rose, becoming vertical and danced straight out of the hall. It was quite advanced magic; you were a brilliant witch. Dumbledore and McGonagall thought so too so they didn't give anyone the blame.  
>Two of my favourite memories were in that year.<br>The first the same night as the prank; we were playing truth or dare. Do you remember we got dared to kiss? It was a special moment for me, even if it was just a dare.  
>The second wasn't just a dare. It was your birthday, exactly a year since… well, you know. You were crying on the windowsill, no smile on your face. I ran over to comfort you and we just… kissed. We kissed of our own free will. We never mentioned that again though, and I wish that I had brought it up, just once. Maybe our lives would have been different.<br>_I should have told you I loved you._

And so we come to fifth year. _Fifth year. _I don't know what took them so long, they usually cottoned on to hidden thoughts so fast, but James and Sirius finally figured out I loved you. They encouraged me to tell you how I felt. That's how we came to be sitting outside on Halloween, your 16th birthday.  
>We were discussing how I was going to tell you. You see, I had decided to tell you on your birthday that I had loved you since I first saw you. You were usually so sad on your special day; we thought it would make you happier. It was then I looked up at Gryffindor tower and saw your face looking down at us from the window. You were sitting on the windowsill. I smiled at you and waved.<br>You opened the window fully and leaned out of it to wave at us. You shouted something and laughed. It was the last time I ever heard your sweet laugh, because the next second, you were falling. You had leaned too far out of the window. You fell so gracefully. I was too shocked to do anything; I just watched your blonde hair flail around you and even got a last glimpse of your bright blue eyes. The others shot spells at you to stop you falling, but nothing worked, it was too fast. A crash and you were sprawled on the grass, face up. I half-expected you to sit up, laughing, like you did when you fell in the lake in first year. But you didn't, you just lay still. Your face was still smiling, even in death. It was so like you.  
><em>I should have told you I loved you.<em>

So many memories, we shared. I only included a few.  
>I'm sealing this letter and sending it off to you.<br>The envelope says 'Scarlett Spring, Heaven' as I know that's where you'll be.  
>I just hope you receive this, you'll finally know how much you meant to me.<p>

Before I send it, I need to tell you some final things:  
>I'm sorry I never told you I loved you; I missed so many opportunities.<br>If my heart one day belongs to another, I want you to know that a special part of my heart will _always_ belong to you, my happy angel.  
>Spread as much smiles, rainbows and chocolate as you can, Scarlett, the world needs them even more now that you're gone.<br>The most important thing I have to say is goodbye. Now I've said it, maybe now I can finally be happy, as I know you are. You always were and you always will be.  
>Goodbye Scarlett,<br>Remus.


End file.
